katshit: “ Still packing. In less than 12 hours, I won’t be able to call this home anymore. ” Everything hasn’t been the same since…ugh.. Wow.. It makes me wish that when that cute boy that used to call me his muse asked me to stop school and travel...
katshit: Still packing. In less than 12 hours, I won’t be able to call this home anymore. Everything hasn’t been the same since…ugh.. Wow.. It makes me wish that when that cute boy that used to call me his muse asked me to stop school and travel w/ him…i should’ve.. Why couldnt I realize I needed to take a break rather than work harder… God damnit…not a day goes by, no, not a single fucking minute goes by without me thinking avout how badly I wish i could go back to two months prior to this… How badly I wish someone in my life with enough of a fuck about me was able to be compassionate and understanding enough to still love me through all my mistakes yet still be able to teach me and look past the stubbornness I sometimes display..or the overwhelming amount of questions I always ask… I just wish I never ever started doing drugs again with my roommate because having to be responsible for yourself is one thing, but never would i ever (even though ive seen this happen time and time again) think that I would have to be responsible for someone elses actions I was never fully apart of.. I remember I was basically so tired of everything and had been sober finally and then being scolded for partying…when really all I had done was avoid being at home to avoid getting into something I didnt want to.. I didnt know how to say no around someone who I called my best friend.. with the way I acted around all my “friends” when I was younger.. I never wanted to look like i couldnt handle it..or like I was acting “way too high” but i also wanted to look like i could keep up… Anyway..if I thought life was hard then…boy oh boy.. Life now, …i mean I dont know if anyone can even understand this… Imagine four years ago that you’ve finally lost the last bit of stuff that you owned (things you put away when you lost your place you moved out of…the things u had all your life and had finally a much deeper appreciation for because now ur 19 and an adult n ur living in ur own lil space n uve been splurging on Amazon on all these lil knick knacks.. And u almost had things looking the way u wanted..in terms of how ur space looked, clothing and random trinket-wise..u had everything u always dreamed of and u felt on top of the world.. Ur acne was finslly going away and u could finslly stand to look at urself in the mirror..and in terms of all the artwork u had… Man… I was finally going somewhere.., now those are the kinds of things I’m referring to finally losing.. And I mean youve lost all of it.and in little chunks, at first all the expensive sellable things go, then the things left behind really baffle u its all well fuck u lost this stuff but theres still this..and this..then ur losing ur mind not just ur stuff and finslly when its all gone.. U cant even believe it, but ur numb,…) So imagine.. Ur numb and itz all gone and uve just been assaulted and a few of yiur ribs are broken and yiuve got a black eye and your pretty face is not so pretty anymore and you have this huge bag you can barely carry of new things ur now just collecting yhst kind of remind u of the old stuff but will never ever compare but also smells really bad bc who knows where it all really came from. But as long as u dont open the bag no one can rly smell it..but thatz not even the real problem..your ribs are unbelievably painful and you have no idea how you even made it to the train station but you also kind of have an idea, and irs because the person who assaulted you,,their mom made that person give u money for thr bus and spared yiur life by stopping him after she had watched him for some time but decided its enough thats all zhs deserves.. And now ur there but you cant go any furthdr becauze you dont have any money left and you couldnt even walk one step further even if you did.. This is the most embarrassing bit and I’m not even sure why I’m sharing this. I know i woukdnt even be able to forget even if I wanted to,. Anyway whatever.. Mayve if i let it out i can let it go and maybe I can open my eyes and the bad dream csn be over snd I’ll be lyinf in my bed again..so its not only your ribs that are making it so hard to move but its also the fact you have to pee so badly and youre sitting on the cement bench in the front kf tbr trajn station and the walk to the train and the bathroom is unbearably far, eventually you piss yourself because there just wasn’t anything else you could do abd youre already a dirty mess with how yiuce been living.. You call your mom off someones phone and youre sobbing and begging for a ride to the hospital and she tells you “figure it out..its not my problem” those exact words… Youve truly hit rock bottom you think…four years later its much different but all in all, now youre a different person… And before you were able to stand looking yourself in the mirror..you even took a selfie and posted it on Instagram…nowadays you can barely stand to do that. So whats worse? I definitely have an answer to that but not much else.

wordsthat-speak:

“Standing alone in front of an ice cream cart on a hot, humid summer day, she thought of the love other people so tragically took for granted, and she wondered if, like her, other people also made bargains with God, grand promises of selflessness and devotion if only He would give them someone to love; she wondered at what point these promises were forgotten, and what the punishment was—she’d like to think there were consequences, because life is always fair in the end, but perhaps there were none and perhaps it isn’t”

— Marla Miniano

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com, via wordsthat-speak)

sh8-bit-angora: “ needthisbook: “ Ten Major Artists: Wong Wong & Lulu Pepper examining himself before commencing a self-portrait Pepper’s self-portrait Tiger the spontaneous reductionist Misty goes off the wall Minnie, the abstract...
sh8-bit-angora: needthisbook: Ten Major Artists: Wong Wong & Lulu Pepper examining himself before commencing a self-portrait Pepper’s self-portrait Tiger the spontaneous reductionist Misty goes off the wall Minnie, the abstract expressionist Minnie’s Reindeer in Provence, 1992. Smokey painting after an hour in the catnip patch Smokey at work Ginger’s Stripped Bare Birds, 1992. Princess, the elemental fragmentist Charlie, the peripheral realist this literally makes me so happy (via perks-of-being-chinese)